In the world of manipulative relationships, there's a term that may not be widely known but is often deeply felt: Future faking. It’s a tactic used by manipulative people, often narcissists, to make promises about a wonderful future that they have no intention of fulfilling. This strategy preys on the hopes, dreams, and emotional vulnerabilities of the victim, creating a facade of a future that will never come.
What is Future Faking?
Future faking happens when someone makes grand promises about what your relationship will look like in the future. These promises may include talks about marriage, children, traveling the world together, or other long-term commitments. The manipulator paints an idealistic picture of the future, full of excitement and fulfillment, but these promises are hollow. They aren’t rooted in reality or genuine intent.
How Does It Work?
The goal of future faking is to get you emotionally invested. By dangling the idea of an ideal future in front of you, the manipulator ensures you stay attached and compliant in the present. This often leads to you excusing bad behavior, ignoring red flags, or making personal sacrifices in hopes of eventually getting to that promised future.
In the manipulator’s mind, the future is a tool to control you. They know that humans are wired to feel excitement and anticipation when thinking about future rewards. By leveraging this, they’re able to manipulate your emotions and keep you tethered to a relationship that might otherwise raise serious concerns.
Signs You’re Being Future Faked
It can be difficult to realize when you’re being future faked, especially if you’re emotionally invested. Here are some red flags that may indicate you’re dealing with this manipulative tactic:
Big Promises, Little Action: The manipulator may talk about buying a house together, getting married, or other life-changing commitments, but their actions never seem to move toward these goals.
Repeated Delays: When questioned about these promises, the manipulator often has excuses, saying they need more time or that circumstances aren’t right yet.
Using the Future to Control the Present: They might ask for patience or loyalty based on the promises they’ve made about the future. For example, they could ask you to put up with mistreatment now because “things will be better once we’re married.”
Shifting Focus: If you try to talk about immediate concerns or current issues in the relationship, the manipulator may redirect the conversation to the exciting plans for the future, effectively distracting you from addressing problems in the present.
The Emotional Impact of Future Faking
Future faking can be emotionally exhausting. You’re constantly holding on to hope, thinking that happiness is just around the corner. But as time goes by, you may start to feel disillusioned, frustrated, and confused. You might even start to doubt your own perceptions or wonder if you’re being unreasonable for wanting the promised future to materialize.
Over time, future faking can also erode your self-esteem. The manipulator might make you feel like you’re at fault for the delays or failed promises, leading to self-doubt. This emotional manipulation can make it harder to recognize the truth: that the promised future was never going to happen.
Why Do Manipulators Use Future Faking?
Future faking is about control. Manipulative individuals, particularly those with narcissistic tendencies, thrive on power dynamics. By promising a glowing future, they control your emotions, keeping you invested in them despite their lack of real commitment or care. It’s a way of keeping you around without having to give you anything meaningful in the present.
For many narcissists, the thrill comes from knowing they have power over someone. Future faking is also used to boost their ego, as they enjoy watching you cling to their words and promises. They can maintain the upper hand in the relationship by keeping you chasing something that doesn’t exist.
How to Protect Yourself from Future Faking
Recognizing future faking is the first step to protecting yourself from it. If you notice that someone’s promises never seem to come to fruition, or if they continually talk about a future that feels too good to be true, take a step back and assess the situation critically.
Focus on Actions, Not Words: Words are easy to say, but actions speak louder. If someone is making promises about the future, make sure their actions are aligned with those promises. If you see consistent inaction, it’s a red flag.
Set Boundaries: If the person continues to promise things that never happen, set firm boundaries. Let them know that you're not interested in hearing more promises unless there is a genuine plan behind them.
Evaluate the Relationship: Ask yourself whether the relationship is fulfilling for you in the present. While it’s natural to talk about the future, a relationship that relies too heavily on future promises may not be grounded in reality. Healthy relationships are built on a balance between present happiness and future planning.
Trust Your Gut: If something feels off, it probably is. Future faking can make you doubt your instincts, but listen to that inner voice. If you consistently feel uneasy or uncertain about the future being promised, it’s a sign to pay attention.
Final Thoughts
Future faking is a subtle yet powerful manipulative tactic that preys on our deepest hopes and dreams. It’s important to recognize when someone is using this technique to keep you hooked on a relationship that may not be truly fulfilling or genuine. By focusing on actions, setting boundaries, and trusting your instincts, you can protect yourself from falling into the trap of future faking and ensure that you’re investing in relationships that are grounded in the present and built on mutual respect.
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