Understanding the Psychological Concept of Flying Monkeys
The term "flying monkeys" is rooted in psychology, particularly in the context of narcissistic abuse. It refers to individuals who are manipulated by a narcissist to carry out their bidding, often at the expense of the narcissist’s target. The term, borrowed from *The Wizard of Oz*, where the Wicked Witch of the West sent her winged minions to harass Dorothy, has been co-opted in psychology to describe a similar dynamic in human relationships.
In this blog, we'll explore what *flying monkeys* are, how they operate, and their impact on both the narcissist’s target and the flying monkeys themselves.
The Origins of the Term "Flying Monkeys"
In The movie, "The Wizard of Oz", the Wicked Witch of the West uses flying monkeys as tools of destruction. She doesn't get her hands dirty; instead, she sends her monkeys to intimidate and harm her enemies. In the same vein, a narcissist, a manipulative person with an inflated sense of their own importance, can use people as instruments of abuse and manipulation.
Psychologists began using the term "flying monkeys" to describe this behavior, highlighting how narcissists leverage other people to achieve their destructive goals without facing consequences directly.
How Flying Monkeys Operate in Narcissistic Abuse
1. Manipulation by the Narcissist
Flying monkeys are often unaware of the narcissist’s true nature. The narcissist is skilled at portraying themselves as the victim in any situation, spinning stories that paint their target as abusive or problematic. The flying monkeys, believing the narcissist's version of events, act on behalf of the narcissist, thinking they are helping a friend or righting a wrong.
2. Executing the Narcissist’s Agenda
Once manipulated, flying monkeys engage in various actions against the narcissist’s target. These actions can range from spreading rumors and lies to directly confronting the target, either verbally or physically. In many cases, they perform these tasks out of loyalty, ignorance, or fear of retribution from the narcissist.
3. Reinforcing the Narcissist’s False Narrative
The flying monkeys not only attack the target but also reinforce the narcissist’s sense of superiority and victim-hood. The narcissist uses their support to validate their distorted reality, where they are the hero or victim, and the target is the villain.
4. Discarding the Flying Monkeys
It is important to note that the flying monkeys are also disposable in the narcissist’s eyes. Once they have served their purpose or no longer offer value, the narcissist may discard them without hesitation, just as they would discard their primary target. Here is a valuable resource with lots more information
Types of Flying Monkeys
Flying monkeys can come from different areas of a narcissist’s life. They often fall into specific categories:
Family Members:Close family members may defend the narcissist, believing they are helping a loved one. This can create a complex family dynamic, especially when the narcissist is a parent or sibling.
Friends and Acquaintances: Friends of the narcissist can be easily swayed to take sides, especially if they only hear the narcissist’s version of events. They might confront the target directly, shame them, or engage in smear campaigns.
Coworkers or Professional Networks: Narcissists in professional settings may use colleagues to sabotage their target’s reputation or career. Flying monkeys in these environments may help spread false rumors or block the target from opportunities.
The Impact on the Narcissist’s Target
Being the victim of flying monkeys can be incredibly distressing. Targets often face the emotional toll of being isolated and attacked from multiple angles, with flying monkeys adding to the psychological abuse already inflicted by the narcissist. This can lead to:
Emotional Exhaustion: Constantly defending oneself against multiple aggressors can wear down the target emotionally. This can manifest as anxiety, depression, or a sense of hopelessness.
Social Isolation: As flying monkeys spread lies and create divisions, the target may lose friends, family members, or professional contacts. This isolation intensifies the narcissist’s control over the situation.
Self-Doubt and Confusion: When many people seem to believe the narcissist’s version of events, the target may start to question their own reality. Gas lighting, often employed by flying monkeys, can make the target feel unsure of their own perceptions.
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The Flying Monkeys’ Perspective
While it’s easy to see flying monkeys as accomplices in the narcissist’s abuse, it’s important to recognize that many of them are victims of manipulation. They may:
Be Unaware of the Narcissist’s True Nature: Many flying monkeys genuinely believe they are helping a friend. They don't realize they are being used to inflict harm on an innocent person.
Fear Reprisal: Some flying monkeys act out of fear. They may have witnessed the narcissist’s abusive tendencies and worry they will become a target if they don’t comply.
Be Seeking Validation: In some cases, flying monkeys seek validation from the narcissist, especially if the narcissist is someone they admire or depend on emotionally or financially.
How to Deal with Flying Monkeys
1. Set Boundaries
If you find yourself the target of flying monkeys, setting clear boundaries is essential. Cut off contact with those who refuse to see the truth or who continue to harass or attack you.
2. Don’t Engage
Flying monkeys thrive on conflict. By engaging with them, you feed into the narcissist’s agenda. When possible, avoid confrontation and take a step back to protect your mental health.
3. Educate Allies
If you have friends or family members who are willing to listen, educate them on the dynamics of narcissistic abuse. Once they understand the manipulative tactics involved, they may be less likely to fall into the narcissist’s trap.
4. Seek Support
Being targeted by flying monkeys can be emotionally overwhelming. Seek support from trusted friends, therapists, or support groups. Speaking to people who understand the dynamics of narcissistic abuse can provide validation and relief.
Final Thoughts
Flying monkeys play a crucial role in perpetuating narcissistic abuse, often unknowingly. Understanding their role in the narcissist’s manipulation tactics can help targets protect themselves and seek the support they need. At the same time, it’s important to recognize that flying monkeys are often victims of manipulation themselves, entangled in a web of deceit that the narcissist has spun around them.
By maintaining healthy boundaries and seeking support, those targeted by narcissists and their flying monkeys can begin to regain control of their lives and heal from the psychological damage inflicted.
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